Monday, May 9, 2011

A Deleted Daughter


Yesterday, I emailed my family wishing them a happy Mother's Day. I asked them how their family party went and about the weather. It's sad that our interactions (or lack thereof as you'll see in a minute) revolve around asking about the weather. I let them know that I found a job as a tutor of two little boys and that B and I went to look at a puppy. 

It made me a little sad that I didn't feel like I could mention anything that I'm really feeling like,  

Oh hey guys, you'll never guess how many mosquito bites I have! 15! They absolutely feast on my legs during the night. It's so hot here, it's a little hard to sleep and I hear it's supposed to be getting hotter.  But, I wake up so excited every morning to start my day and do new things. I'm nervous about running the Coffee Cart all by myself tomorrow because I can't count change. I think it will be alright, I just wish I didn't have to wake up so early. 5:30 AM comes pretty early on island time. All the students and spouses are really nice, but I think some of the new ones don't like me because I'm only here for eight months and B is 4th semester. Plus, we live in a nice villa AND I've had no trouble (so far) adjusting to island life. They seem like they like B, but when I invite them to things, they don't really respond. Maybe that's just me being a little insecure about finally trying to be a little outgoing. I always feel like I say the wrong thing to people or worry that they don't really like me. I've made friends with the mom of the family I tutor. She's really fun and invites me to do a lot with their family. It makes me feel better (especially since you all basically ignore me now). I'm also going to go to lunch with my sponsor (who's from Utah!) on Friday. Even though she's Mormon, I think we'll really get a long. She seems really friendly and maybe a little lonely. It's nice to know there are Mormons I can be friends with. That's the great thing, I can be myself and not worry if people are judging me! It's an awesome feeling. B and I are going to pick up the puppy on Wednesday. It's the smartest and cutest little thing. J (B's dad) loves it just from looking at the pictures. 

Running a house is hard work. I never realized how much effort is put into keeping up with laundry, doing dishes and making everything look nice. I think I've been doing a pretty good job, but it's only the first week. Mom sure had given me some stiff competition. I think almost everyday how she gets done in one hour what takes me a whole week. 

B has come down with a bad cold. He's coughing and going crazy. It's been hard for him to study because all he wants to do is sleep. I've tried to get him whatever he needs and I feel bad he's so miserable. I hope he'll feel better soon so he can really get back to studying. 

Well, I hope you had a good Mother's Day. I wish we could talk. 

- Emily

None of that really matters because I found out (by checking the family email when nobody responded) that they've just been deleting my emails.

I knew they were mad but, do they really hate me that much? Email is for keeping in touch with that old aunt you don't even like. I can't Skype them because my dad "forgot" his Skype password and I knew if I called from Skype nobody would pick up. My island phone doesn't work internationally unless you want to pay out the ass. Again, I don't think they would even answer and I didn't want to risk that rejection. I don't think I could handle it, even if I did say I don't really care.

It still hurts. 


  1. That's so mean. You don't deserve that. ::hugs::

  2. I am so sorry. Its such a lie when people say things like, "Your parents want you to be happy." They want us to be like them... ((((hugs))))

  3. I'm so sorry. Your family is missing so much, and they don't even realize it. ((((hugs))))

  4. That is HORRIBLE. I'm sad for you, but sad for them too-for letting ignorance and blind obedience simply delete a daughter. Your family is missing out. I hope you have joy every day of your life anyway.

  5. That's horrible...but I know how you feel. I finally told my dad on the phone the other day how lonely and empty it feels not to be able to be myself around him anymore. Of course, he hasnt been deleting my emails...I don't know how you cope without generating tons of anger, but just keeping moving forward. At the very least, you're learning what kind of a parent NOT to be for your children. That's a vitally important lesson you are learning. - Kelli (What The Fetch)

  6. Thank you everyone (as always) for you kind words! :) They really do make my day.


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