Saturday, January 15, 2011

H is for...

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Holy Ghost:

Among the gifts I received for my eighth birthday, including the tiny CTR ring, I was "given" the “gift” of the Holy Ghost.  This meant I always had someone with me to guide me, a sort of more powerful conscience. I believed when I was eight that this gift helped me find my ring in the grains of sand.
I recently visited my non-Mormon boyfriend.  He lives far out of state while going to medical school and I don't get to see him very often.  I debated on going to see him, buying a ticket...should I really go see him?  My family tried to convince me it was wrong.  He was wrong.  He was a type of Puppet Master, pulling strings to make me want to come see him...on his godforsaken Caribbean island.  Even now, his control over me "knows no bounds."  It's as if my family sees him as replacing the Spirit I once had.  It is because of him that I like indie music, listen to NPR, don't eat eggs (what the fuck?), want to skydive and, of course, don't believe in The Church anymore.  It's because of him I like puppies, cooking and traveling.  That I've changed.

My father assured me that as I left to see Boyfriend, this was the moment he knew I had lost the Spirit.

My mom frequently tells me I need to take a good look at my self.  

I did.  That's how I got here.  To where I am today.  

You can't lose something you never had. 

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