Tuesday, April 5, 2011

V is for...

Veritas: Truth

Truth Number One: My family asked me to house sit.
Truth Number Two: I rarely drink.
Truth Number Three: I'm a very small woman, not a full grown man.

Naturally, last night resulted in a lesson. Here is what I learned:

1. DO NOT go to the grocery store looking for booze just to prove to yourself that you can not, in fact, buy anything stronger than a beer in Utah grocery stores.
2. DO go to the State Liquor Store and giggle to yourself when you realize they actually are putting your white wine into a brown paper bag.
3. DO remember to buy a corkscrew. Save yourself another trip to the grocery store. Come on now, you really thought you would find one because "there are a lot of gadgets in those kitchen drawers."
4. DO NOT feel bad because the 17 year old ringing up your corkscrew looks at your like A corkscrew? Really? but at the same time won't make eye contact.
5. DO put on some classy music and make yourself some pasta.
6. DO NOT pour yourself another glass because, "What am I going to do with the rest of it?"
7. DO NOT pour yourself another glass because, "No, really. What am I going to do with the rest of it?"
8. DO try to eat that entire loaf of garlic bread. It's a great idea.
9. DO remember to turn off the stove. Also, clean up by covering the pot of noodles with saran wrap and put in the fridge. The entire pot. Yeah, that's right. You're smart!
10. DO NOT wake up totally miserable, feeling like you're going to die and Google: How to Get Rid of a Hangover.
11. DO drink a lot of water. Why weren't you doing this the night before? Oh, that's right. You were too busy drinking alcohol, dancing around your kitchen and laughing to yourself.
12. DO NOT put on sunglasses while driving to work thinking, "This must be what it feels like to be a Kardashian!" Are you STILL drunk?! (Answer: NO. I wouldn't drive if I was.)
13. DO NOT console yourself by deciding At Least Now I Can Blog About It.

In case you're wondering, the best cure for a hangover is to never drink. Thanks a lot about.com. You're a prude and nobody laughs at your jokes at dinner parties.

Also, there basically was no "rest of it."

- Emily

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