M is for...MORE

Marriage:

Continued....read the past entries on this topic here or here.

Because of the exclusive nature of the rituals associated with a Mormon marriage and family
unit, Mormons believe they have exclusive rights to the reunion of loved ones after death. Post-
Mormon used Bena explains, “My [Mormon] wife didn't get this concept. She was under the
impression that Mormons have corned the market on eternal families.” This is not an uncommon view.
Forum member Whitters relates, “I'm dating a Non-Mormon. My dad asked me, 'Doesn't [Boyfriend] want to be with his family forever?' I stared at him blankly. 'Dad. He does. You don't understand. The
Church believes they have this exclusive belief in families. All Christians believe they will be with
their family. All of them.'” Bena agress, “I told my wife many religions believe in being with their
families in heaven. I'm so arrogant. I'm amazed I used to believe this stuff. I guess they feel they have
a monopoly because they have to pay to get in.”

This “stuff” is the very cause of friction between both sides of the story. The cause of silence on both ends of the wide canyon. Members refuse to acknowledge the view of the non-believing loved ones because of how strongly they believe “this stuff,” this Plan. Though not a member of the Post-Mormon forum, resigned member Tyler comments, “I have resigned. My sister refuses to talk to me because I have ruined her Eternal family.That doesn't make sense to me. Why hate me in this life because she believes she wont see me in the
next? To me, this is all I have.” Post-Mormon user Whoa has a similar feeling, “I really don't want to
deal with the same shit for Eternity as I do now.”

At the heart of this issue are ultimately two sides of very hurt people pleading for the other side
to see their view. The exclusivity of Mormon families that “allows” family members to potentially be
with their families forever is the very same force that destroys them and divides them, an omnipotent
hand tearing at the hearts of all. This hand pulls the strings that keeps the Mormon view forever
focused on their Forever Families instead of the Here and Now.

M is for...MORE

Marriage:

Continued...read the beginning here

image source

The Plan. Commonly known as The Plan of Salvation among Mormons. Mormons believe we
are all literal spirit children of God. Before we came to Earth to gain a body, we lived together in the
Pre-Earth life. This earth life is essentially a test of our obedience. Our ability to follow The Plan
without question. But, The Plan is not as simple as a Golden Rule approach. Members of The Church
must follow principles and ordinances of The Gospel. Each Mormon child is baptized at the age of
eight. The Age of Understanding. This baptism is just the bottom rung in the ladder of ordinances and
rituals one must complete according to The Plan. In order for families to be together forever, Mormons
must be married in a sacred temple. To gain entrance into these temples, all rituals and rules must be
followed. For example, a ten percent tithe of the members yearly increase must be paid to The Church.
Members must abstain from any Church prohibited activity such as drinking coffee, tea or alcohol,
premarital sex or watching R rated movies. Once inside these temples, members must swear their
allegiance to The Church, promising their all their time, talents and abilities. At one point, they were
even made to swear their lives. It goes without saying that these sealings are not taken lightly. Those
who follow The Plan will be together forever. Those who stray will break the bond of the Eternal
Family. Forever. Without an Eternal Family, one is not allowed to live in the highest degree of Heaven as a God or Goddess after death. Because of this view of Eternal Families, no mistake is greater than
allowing a family member to break this bond. Church leaders often state, “No success can compensate
for failure in the home.” If a family member leaves The Church, the family member who has left is a
great disappointment, the family itself – a failure.

M is for...

Marriage:

“I have a family here on earth, they are so good to me. I want to share my life with them through all Eternity.”− Children's Songbook pg. 188

Members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints believe they can be with their
families forever. For Eternity. There are few things as important as being together as a family forever.
Though this emphasis on Eternal Families might seem innocent to the average person, it is a source of
contention and grief for many who have studied, struggled, prayed and ultimately found their way our
of the Mormon fold.

It's a complicated emotion to say the least. What is the best way to explain why family members
and loved ones who, while they may not have always gotten along perfectly, used to peacefully interact,
engage and enjoy each others company, go from a type of love and understanding to hurt, anger,
anguish and sometimes completely shunning of the “apostate?” Perhaps no community knows the pain
of disaffection and silence more than the members of the recovery forum Postmormon.com. Hundreds
of members a day flock to the site daily to discuss, vent, learn, grow, and most importantly, heal.

As one Post-Mormon member points out, it all boils down to simple “truths” learned as a child
in Sunday School. The song Families Can be Together Forever repeats the lines

Families can be together forever,
through Heavenly Father's plan.
I always want to be with my own family,
and the Lord has shown me how I can.
The Lord has shown me how I can.

At the heart of this seemingly harmless song lies one major reason both Post-Mormons and their still
believing family members feel such a divide. One user explains, “They [The Church] can get out of
it. If it [the family] doesn't work out correctly, blame the member. You just didn't follow The Plan.”