A Deleted Daughter

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Yesterday, I emailed my family wishing them a happy Mother's Day. I asked them how their family party went and about the weather. It's sad that our interactions (or lack thereof as you'll see in a minute) revolve around asking about the weather. I let them know that I found a job as a tutor of two little boys and that B and I went to look at a puppy. 

It made me a little sad that I didn't feel like I could mention anything that I'm really feeling like,  

Oh hey guys, you'll never guess how many mosquito bites I have! 15! They absolutely feast on my legs during the night. It's so hot here, it's a little hard to sleep and I hear it's supposed to be getting hotter.  But, I wake up so excited every morning to start my day and do new things. I'm nervous about running the Coffee Cart all by myself tomorrow because I can't count change. I think it will be alright, I just wish I didn't have to wake up so early. 5:30 AM comes pretty early on island time. All the students and spouses are really nice, but I think some of the new ones don't like me because I'm only here for eight months and B is 4th semester. Plus, we live in a nice villa AND I've had no trouble (so far) adjusting to island life. They seem like they like B, but when I invite them to things, they don't really respond. Maybe that's just me being a little insecure about finally trying to be a little outgoing. I always feel like I say the wrong thing to people or worry that they don't really like me. I've made friends with the mom of the family I tutor. She's really fun and invites me to do a lot with their family. It makes me feel better (especially since you all basically ignore me now). I'm also going to go to lunch with my sponsor (who's from Utah!) on Friday. Even though she's Mormon, I think we'll really get a long. She seems really friendly and maybe a little lonely. It's nice to know there are Mormons I can be friends with. That's the great thing, I can be myself and not worry if people are judging me! It's an awesome feeling. B and I are going to pick up the puppy on Wednesday. It's the smartest and cutest little thing. J (B's dad) loves it just from looking at the pictures. 


Running a house is hard work. I never realized how much effort is put into keeping up with laundry, doing dishes and making everything look nice. I think I've been doing a pretty good job, but it's only the first week. Mom sure had given me some stiff competition. I think almost everyday how she gets done in one hour what takes me a whole week. 

B has come down with a bad cold. He's coughing and going crazy. It's been hard for him to study because all he wants to do is sleep. I've tried to get him whatever he needs and I feel bad he's so miserable. I hope he'll feel better soon so he can really get back to studying. 

Well, I hope you had a good Mother's Day. I wish we could talk. 

- Emily

None of that really matters because I found out (by checking the family email when nobody responded) that they've just been deleting my emails.

I knew they were mad but, do they really hate me that much? Email is for keeping in touch with that old aunt you don't even like. I can't Skype them because my dad "forgot" his Skype password and I knew if I called from Skype nobody would pick up. My island phone doesn't work internationally unless you want to pay out the ass. Again, I don't think they would even answer and I didn't want to risk that rejection. I don't think I could handle it, even if I did say I don't really care.

It still hurts. 

L is for...

Losing:

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Some time after my 21st birthday, well after my boyfriend and I have discussed religion as he
researched a paper on Mormons for his history class, I consider his words: “You know B.H. Roberts
didn't believe in the Book of Mormon?” No. I didn't know that. How could I have known? I read and
read and read and read. I want to believe, but I feel like I'm playing a losing hand. In a few months, I
feel like an R.E.M. song.

Cliched.  I know.  

What songs do you feel perfectly document your life? 

K is for...

Kolob: 

or Where is Kolob? 

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For some reason, I didn't feel quiet ready to write this ABC.  My writing teacher calls this a Red Flag of Avoidance.  She can tell when something is being left out of writing because the author is ready to talk about it.  

I knew I wanted to write about Kolob, but where do you start?  

"If you could hie to Kolob in the twinkling of an eye and then continue upward with the same strength to fly, do you think that you could ever through all eternity, find out the generation where man became to be?"  - LDS Hymn # 284

On warm summer night, my sister and I father outside to watch a meteor shower.  My dad joined us as we gazed up at the tiny pinpricks of light.  I sat explaining that the stream of light from the meteors happened as the entered the atmosphere and started to burn.  (Correct me if I'm wrong.  My area of expertise is most certainly not science.)  My dad looked up and marveled at the stars.  He wondered out loud, "Where is Kolob?"  My sister, only 14, asked "What is Kolob?"

What, my dear friends, is Kolob?  Why is my father, an intelligent, graduate scholar and business administrator asking, "Where is Kolob?"

The answer, as usual, comes from a "Primary Answer."  No, not Pray, Read Your Scriptures or Go to Church.  The answer, of course, is Joseph Smith.

J is for...

Joseph Smith:

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In the spring of 1830, Joseph Smith founded what is now known as the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  Soon afterward, many crossed oceans and continents to gather with him. Among these were several of my ancestors. 

My ancestors were nothing if not dedicated.   I believe this is part of me as well. 

Though I have to wonder, were they easily deceived?   

Andrew S. of Irresistible (Dis)Grace writes about the depictions of Mormons and Joseph Smith in the South Park Episode All About the Mormons.  I particularly liked this: 

Throughout the episode, Stone and Parker portray the family as being unwaveringly friendly and accommodating. Now, this is just to fit into the Mormon stereotype. However, the things that the family says as a result of this stereotype seem peculiar — even for Mormons. Specifically, the Mormon mother, Karen, says to Stan’s father Randy:

Randy, the last thing we want is for people to think we’re pushing our religion. We know there are a lot of beliefs out there and ours just works for us.

Now, really. Really? Mormonism is has a central evangelistic zeal to it. And even though Mormons recognize “there are a lot of beliefs out there,” and that there may even be some truths within other religions and beliefs…the more common idea, I would imagine, is that the church is deemed to have the *entire* truth, or the *complete* priesthood, etc.,

It's a great post.  Check it out here.